I Feel Like A Monster

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I feel like I am always discovering new parts of myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I think there is just this monster right below the surface that is waiting for me to let it out. I can feel my skin crawling at times, the rage and anger can run so deep. But, I hold it in, I find my peace, my comfort in what I can. 

But, it is still there and I have to figure out where I can put this monster. Do I keep it in a cage, safe from the world? Do I let it roam uninhibited by my rules? What do you do with something that if let loose, could destroy you and everything you’ve worked so hard to make? 

Depression is just such an ugly, dirty bitch! I hate it SO much! It tears my insides up, shreds them. And, just as it seems I am rebuilding, regrowing, the parts of me that were injured; the monster returns with a vengeance. No, I don’t want to talk about it, that is too much. No, I don’t want to face it, the fear is real. So, where do I put the monster?

It is big and ugly. It has to have a place to go where it won’t cause more damage. My soul is the strongest place I can think of. My heart will keep the key. And, together they will protect my mind from its ravenous hunger. ©~Mac

Monster” by Skillet

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can’t control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can’t hold it

It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can’t control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can’t control it
‘Cause if I let him out he’ll tear me up, break me down
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

It’s hiding in the dark, it’s teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it’s just a dream
Maybe it’s inside of me, stop this monster

I feel it deep within, it’s just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I’ve become, the nightmare’s just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

 

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12 Comments

Filed under Depression, Life Lessons

12 responses to “I Feel Like A Monster

  1. ***My soul is the strongest place I can think of. My heart will keep the key. And, together they will protect my mind from its ravenous hunger.****

    Yes there you are… First it is okay to feel sad at times, it is okay to miss, it is okay to feel the hurt… But the best thing is once we start knowing ourselves better we can now find ways how to get over…
    So since the monster is clear now all the brave strong lady, you to do is see by it…

    As you already say your heart knows so yes you know the answer.

    Remember you are stronger then these situations and circumstances.

  2. Can I use these lyrics for a song?

  3. The theater of the mind is both organic and electric. Sometimes “defiance” is the only response for depression.
    Every morning I defy depression by looking at myself in the mirror and smile.
    This simple act injects endorphins into the bloodstream and my “residual image” of myself is a happy one.
    Remember that King David, when he was just a boy, did not refer to Goliath as a giant or a terror or a fearful force.
    David called him a dog!
    Fight the good fight, my friend.
    Larry.
    🙂

  4. In my worst bout of depression (late 90s) I became hooked on reading Henry Rollins’ books because he was sooooo depressed and angry that it made me realize I wasn’t the only one.

  5. Pingback: Dear Agony | Southern By Design

  6. Pingback: Author Interview – Amanda Roberts – The Roots of the Tree | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

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