Recently I have come to the conclusion that everyone should be required to where a warning label. You know like “Contents may contain a hot mess” or “Requires frequent coddling”! Man, people are just so complicated. It would really make life a hell of a lot easier if we knew what to expect! Don’t you think?
I’m certainly not exempt! I think my labels of late would read something like, “Makes frequent stops to mope!” In fact, I believe that it would probably be easier for those who first met me to know what they should beware of from the get-go. So, I’ve created a list of warning labels for myself. For the good of you all, of course!
“Approach with caution, no, seriously”
“May contain nuts, actually she’s crazy“
“Requires adult supervision, I’m needy”
“Baby on board- Oh, you thought I meant a kid”
“May contain…no likely contains, alcohol”
“You break it, you buy it”
“This product has been tested on men”
“Take in small doses with plenty of patience”
“Watch out for falling sarcasm”
“When taken with alcohol you may die laughing”
“Please do not feed the hormones”
“Object may appear to be fine when not”
“Not permitted to have serious conversations after 9PM”
“Poisonous: Keep out of reach of idiots, I speak my mind”