Category Archives: humor

A Guy Goes Into A Bar

How could I not giggle when finding out the word of the day is “knackered.”
For all my UK and Aussie friends, this one’s for you. 

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I ran into this guy so daft tried to give him the shaft
Bloody hell what a duff, but he thought he was tough
Dodgiest mate I’d ever seen, except, maybe the queen
What an undeniable arse, perhaps this was just a farce
But then my fanny he tried to touch, that was too much
What a cock-up he did make, indeed was a huge mistake
Off his trolley I think somewhat, but I’m giving him a nut
Didn’t know how to react, he was in fact quite gobsmacked
Said, “Bugger off you prat!” and he was finally gone with that

Was knackered after his thrashing, but hey, I still look smashing

All Rights Reserved©

by Mac

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Filed under Fiction, humor, poetry

Zapped Of My Zip

No pep in my step and no zip-a-dee in my doo-dah…I hate Mondays! ~Mac

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Filed under humor, Uncategorized

Hungry Haikus

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I am passionate
About many types of food
Get in my belly©
by Mac

When I get thirsty
Longing for something to drink
Give me tequila©
by Mac

A wing and a prayer
I mean buffalo wings sir
Blue cheese to dip them©
by Mac

If you long for sweet
Something that is good to eat
I have a great treat©
by Mac

This is the last one
I mean from the cookie jar
Will you make more please©
by Mac

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Filed under humor, poetry

Tales From The Fitting Room

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Your prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “spell.” Use the word “spell” any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use it in the first sentence. 

Let me sit for a spell and tell you about my week. If you are unaware, recently I began working in fashion retail. This week was busy, as I live in a tourist town, (a spring vacation destination no less). My job is aiding people in finding items of clothing, well a bit more, but that is the simple description.

People are quite “interesting” creatures, consistently surprising me. If you have worked with them in any capacity than you know what I mean! I am considering writing a book named “Tales From the Fitting Room” and it would be a comedic-horror-nonfiction. I mean, I have seen way more than I ever wanted to, in just a short period of time.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my job! But, this week was crappy, I mean literally! I shall not elaborate more, but needless to say…disgusting! And, I work in a high-end retail store, you would think that it would be better. I guess it doesn’t matter what walk of life you are in, people are still people. The good, the bad and the terribly inconsiderate.

I never knew that one person could try on so many clothes and leave them in so many manners of inside-out. And how difficult it is to pull a shirt from a pile, whilst not leaving the entire rest of the pile on the floor. And if one more person ignores my greeting and gives me attitude… On the bright side, I had my highest personal sales day with over $1450 sold.

So, as I go to spell the next name on the next fitting room door, I shall be filing away more stories to share. Maybe the next one will be yours. And, do forgive me if I forget to spell your name with two “L’s,” miss an “H,” or add an “E.”©

by Mac

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Filed under humor

Laugh A Little

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“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” ~Audrey Hepburn

It is easy to get into a discouraged frame of mind these days. Just turn on the news for two minutes or open your web browser. We are bombarded with negativity! So find the humor in a moment, make somebody smile or laugh at yourself. Life is too short to spend it being sad. I hope I can give you a little chuckle for your day. ~Mac

Don’t you hate…

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Funny Farm

 

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There once was a cranky cow because the farmer had called her a sow
With determination she said, “moo” translated means “I don’t like you”

Well the pig got very upset, couldn’t understand what the farmer ment
The heifer was as big as horse, for goodness sake, didn’t “oink” of course

Now the horse heard gossip from the hen, what’d been said in the pig pen
This perturbed him lots, comparing a stallion to cattle that have big spots

The family dog heard the “neigh” of the steed and this angered him indeed
For Spot believed himself a dalmation, to indeed have an amazing vocation

Then the rooster heard “bark” from the pup, thinking it was time to get up
He crowed quite loudly, wanting to prove his great importance so proudly

Seeing the sun had not yet arose, the farmer in anger was quick on his toes
Yelling as he marched out, said, “be quiet!” as he tapped the pig on the snout

So the moral of the story is as such, don’t listen to what others say too much
Especially a story about a man who can’t tell between a chicken and a ham©

by Mac

In Responce to SoCS: Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “moo.” Base your post on the word “moo” or a word that rhymes with it. Bonus points if you actually use the word “moo” in your post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under humor, poetry

A Terrible Rhyme

Things that like to jiggle, well, I could only think of Jello

Or you could go with fat, but I hate to talk like that

There is also jelly or jam, oh, I skipped the Spam

Dancing Aunt Betty, but that really isn’t pretty

Then gummie bears, at the movie we’ll share

They stick in my tooth that’s just the truth

Can we drop this word? It is so absurd

Things that jiggle or like to wiggle

What gross verbs, both distrubs

WordPress prompts depress

Can I suggest “Zest”?

No? Then go!©

by Macjam

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Filed under humor, poetry