Just Another Love Song

A simple gesture, a hand on mine, skin to skin
Touches me deeper than one could imagine
Never realized how foreign it could feel
Until you reached in and warmed me

Were the gods looking down on this moment?
Did they see my brokeness and yours too?
Two lost souls destined to be haunted?
No, our pasts do not taint us here!

So, can there be something so true?
As a second chance come along
If I am to believe this, and I do
Then this is where I belong
Here I ascend into you©

by Mac

 

Inside Me

There’s a yearning deep inside of me
Wants to get out and needs to be free
If I give in to this temptation though
Not sure where it will want me to go
So I’ll push down this want and need
For without strength it will not heed
This little ember is within my control
But anymore will burn away my soul
Then remnants of who I’d once been
No answer for where or why or when
Just a pile of my former self you’d see
If I allow this lust inside to roam free©

by Mac

 

Fear Anchors

Reblogging from back in December. One of my favorites…

Anchor that held me
Has left the sea floor
Not sure where it went
Isn’t there any more

Swaying and bobbing
The ocean has taken
I look to the captain
But he has forsaken

Swept with the tides
No harbor in sight
Just miss the rocks
Lost to great fright

Then I remembered
Was of my own choice
I must let it all go
Have my own voice

Taking the controls
My vessel, my own
Direction of choosing
Even though all alone

No longer I’m pulled
No longer you steer
No longer I’m anchored
No longer I’ll fear©

by Mac

Pieces

The mirror shattered on the floor
Obscured her face I don’t know her anymore
Tries to find her way back and
Blood is dripping as she reaches out her hand
Attempted to pick up the pieces
But was cut so deep, so the shard she releases
As the pure crimson flows free
Again, she picks up a fragment, but it’s only me©

by Mac

Lost And Not Found

Lost myself, cannot be found
Looked and looked all around
But to no avail I couldn’t find
Where it was I put my mind

How’d I realize I was gone?
The sunrise one early dawn
Beauty of the morning’s sun
No longer felt emotions come

Couldn’t be moved anymore
As I stood on thee ocean shore
The salty air or waves of gold
Yet all I am is bitter and cold

I touch where heart should be
It is a mystery how it did flee
Also found my spirit was MIA
Not certain how I got this way

Was it my choice? Had I known?
That I would leave me all alone
To face this cruel uncaring place
Not one emotion left on this face

So, I put an add out in the paper
“A missing person, it is a caper”
But just received one sad reply
“Sorry I forgot to say goodbye!”©

by Mac

 

I Want A Treat

A cookie and a piece of cake
I want a treat, don’t want to bake
So I go to the grocery store
And down the isles I will explore
I need a snack, oh but what
Had my fill of candy, now in a rut
Not a chip not ice cream too
Like sweet and salty, but neither do
A donut looks like a keeper
Or maybe pizza, it is much cheesier
Too many choices to make
Suppose I will just go home to bake©

by Mac

Our Family’s Trans-formation

“We are writing you all because there has been a bit of change going on in our family’s lives this past six months. It is easiest to write this down and have you all hear it directly and in the same manner, then to relay it individually. This is a difficult topic and will be hard for some of you to understand. It is okay, you do not have to understand or agree with it to give unconditional love and support. And you will likely have questions, but we appreciate your not bombarding us, as we too continue to process things. So now on to what has taken place…”

These are the beginning words to a letter that we just sent to our family this past week. I am sure that many of my readers have felt my struggles through this year in my writings. SO many changes have occurred in the last six months. But, as I share with you this biggest of all, I ask for you to follow these words I’ve written my family as well!

“At the end of last year, just after Christmas our youngest came to me. She had been greatly struggling, which was quite evident. After a good deal of prodding, she finally confided in me a great turmoil what could be called an identity crisis. She felt that she was supposed to be a boy. This was all in her words, nothing put in her mouth. Of course, this was a big shock, but not a surprise in some ways. Of course we give her our full support and reassurance at this time. While shedding our own tears and praying in private, we try to reconcile between us what has happened…”

Yes, my youngest (age 14) has come out as a transgender boy to us. And for a conservative, Christian family, this was certainly a blow. Now, before you begin to think the worst of us, I want you to know, we are accepting in every way. But, it has taken time to understand what support looks like. And overcoming a feeling of “loss” for my daughter, the one I had longed for, planned for and held future dreams for. Needing to accept that this life is not mine to fulfill, but must be his to find for himself.

“In the weeks to follow he requests some major changes. Asking that we change all nouns in regards of her to “he” and her name to a male one he’d chosen. Also a boy’s haircut is done and a breast binder is asked for (he had already been wearing a majority of boy’s clothing, always the “Tom boy”)… As the months have passed we have been faced with some heart breaking moments as parents. Our son has seen some very dark moments, as have we. He finally confided that he has been struggling, alone, with these feelings since he was EIGHT! How our pain grew!…”

It has taken some time for the name change and “he” to be consistent, but he’s been patient with us. Also, I have always referred to only having one son, now that is not the case. But, if these were the worst things to overcome, it would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately it has been so much more than that. For him, having a body that he does not feel he should be in is heartbreaking to see. What should be a simple shower now has become a struggle with self acceptance! My hope is, as a family we learn how to come together to be what my son needs. Helping him through this difficult journey that his future holds.

“We have told him that we don’t feel that God makes mistakes, and he has never suggested otherwise. But, if God doesn’t make mistakes, we can only feel that there is a reason for this journey too…”

I will continue in the future with more about our story as a family and the life of transformation. But, for now, I leave you with this. I hope that this touches someone who is going through the same struggle and gives you a ray of hope that you are not alone. Support is so important for all involved. I hope you will reach out or pass this along to anyone you know or you personally, that are going through this life transformation.© by Mac

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Awaken

I wake up with the sunshine on my face
A warm embrace
I wake up to fragrant flowers in the air
Joy every where
I wake up with love down in my heart
You do impart
I wake up to the sound of much laughter
Happily ever after©

By Mac

Our Passion Burns

Passion as a fire burns around my heart
Whenever you are near the embers start
Despair and pain wield swords to destroy
“I cannot get enough of you,” is their ploy
My mind is a blur, all I can think of is you
As I look into the future, all I see is us two

Do you feel the same my love, never apart
Passion like fire burns around your heart
Will you hold me close and fight for us too
Against all who try to destroy me and you
Happiness for today I hope we can defend
Our destiny entwined until the very end©

by Mac

 

Face Of Darkness

Shall I cower in the face of Darkness?
Let it take me by the hand into its bosom
Fall victim as the ones that have gone before
As it woos me like prey being drawn by the hunter
I am unable to be pulled back from its clutches anymore
They all say, “You must fight harder,” but my strength is gone
Darkness shall be my captor and I will be in perfect peace at last©

by Mac