Tag Archives: Family

No Kidding

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When I try to think of the last time I laughed to the point of tears
I would say it has not been for years
But, my oldest is a dark thinker and so his jokes can mirror that
Like the time that he spoke of a dead cat
Or when he talked about a dyslexic, insomniac and an agnostic
The punch lines are sometimes caustic
But when he giggles along with those people that he is telling
I see myself and my heart it is swelling
Growing up, I have always really enjoyed making others laugh
Hearing those giggles, even if it’s a gaffe
At my own expense it can be embarrassing, but is worth it too
When chuckling is done at me by you©

by Mac

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Filed under Family, humor

Our Family’s Trans-formation

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“We are writing you all because there has been a bit of change going on in our family’s lives this past six months. It is easiest to write this down and have you all hear it directly and in the same manner, then to relay it individually. This is a difficult topic and will be hard for some of you to understand. It is okay, you do not have to understand or agree with it to give unconditional love and support. And you will likely have questions, but we appreciate your not bombarding us, as we too continue to process things. So now on to what has taken place…”

These are the beginning words to a letter that we just sent to our family this past week. I am sure that many of my readers have felt my struggles through this year in my writings. SO many changes have occurred in the last six months. But, as I share with you this biggest of all, I ask for you to follow these words I’ve written my family as well!

“At the end of last year, just after Christmas our youngest came to me. She had been greatly struggling, which was quite evident. After a good deal of prodding, she finally confided in me a great turmoil what could be called an identity crisis. She felt that she was supposed to be a boy. This was all in her words, nothing put in her mouth. Of course, this was a big shock, but not a surprise in some ways. Of course we give her our full support and reassurance at this time. While shedding our own tears and praying in private, we try to reconcile between us what has happened…”

Yes, my youngest (age 14) has come out as a transgender boy to us. And for a conservative, Christian family, this was certainly a blow. Now, before you begin to think the worst of us, I want you to know, we are accepting in every way. But, it has taken time to understand what support looks like. And overcoming a feeling of “loss” for my daughter, the one I had longed for, planned for and held future dreams for. Needing to accept that this life is not mine to fulfill, but must be his to find for himself.

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“In the weeks to follow he requests some major changes. Asking that we change all nouns in regards of her to “he” and her name to a male one he’d chosen. Also a boy’s haircut is done and a breast binder is asked for (he had already been wearing a majority of boy’s clothing, always the “Tom boy”)… As the months have passed we have been faced with some heart breaking moments as parents. Our son has seen some very dark moments, as have we. He finally confided that he has been struggling, alone, with these feelings since he was EIGHT! How our pain grew!…”

It has taken some time for the name change and “he” to be consistent, but he’s been patient with us. Also, I have always referred to only having one son, now that is not the case. But, if these were the worst things to overcome, it would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately it has been so much more than that. For him, having a body that he does not feel he should be in is heartbreaking to see. What should be a simple shower now has become a struggle with self acceptance! My hope is, as a family we learn how to come together to be what my son needs. Helping him through this difficult journey that his future holds.

“We have told him that we don’t feel that God makes mistakes, and he has never suggested otherwise. But, if God doesn’t make mistakes, we can only feel that there is a reason for this journey too…”

I will continue in the future with more about our story as a family and the life of transformation. But, for now, I leave you with this. I hope that this touches someone who is going through the same struggle and gives you a ray of hope that you are not alone. Support is so important for all involved. I hope you will reach out or pass this along to anyone you know or you personally, that are going through this life transformation.© by Mac

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Filed under Beauty and Health, Depression, Family, inspiration

All About A’s

“Your prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “any.” Begin your post with the word “any.” Bonus points if you theme your post on another word that starts with “A.” Have fun!”

Any idea how we got to April so quickly? I cannot believe that we are already a quarter of the way through the year! The kids only have about six more weeks of school. As we approach the summer I am attempting to make some plans. I do not want to hear the “b” word from them, you know the one, bored. Oldest has been told he needs to apply for a job this summer. At sixteen the time has arrived for him to join the work force. Youngest is turning fourteen next month. She has a new affinity with turtles. We found a sea turtle aquarium a few hours north from us, which we will visit for her birthday. All-in-all life continues to move at an allarming pace. The kids grow, we work and amazingly we are celebrating our two year anniversary at the beach in a few months!

Happy Saturday Y’all!

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Filed under Family

Happy Superpower Day

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I have often explained before
But I can tell you this once more
“What is my power?” Many inquire
I can’t fly or out of my eyes shoot fire
I’m not much for kicking bad guy’s butts
In fact, don’t even like to save old ugly mutts
Won’t come to your rescue at the drop of a hat
I can find bargains, not sure you meant that
My name is not man, like a Bat or Super
That’s cause I’m not a him but a her
Call me a lady I’ll make no qualm
My power however, I am Mom©

by Mac

To all the women out there, whether a mom or not,
celebrating you and the strengths that you have! xx

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Filed under Family, poetry

My Child

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Perhaps it’s because my oldest turned 16 this week or maybe because we have been dealing with many struggles this year already in my two teen’s lives. But, I have had my kids on my mind a lot this week. As many mom’s do, we worry and with that give- whether it’s time, emotions, energy or sleep! We are often pulled in so many directions, with little of anything left for ourselves. So, here’s to my children and all those mom’s out there that are doing what we do, thinking of our kids. Love, Mac 

To My Children

My child please see yourself the way I do

Perfect and pure and true

My child please feel compassion for others

With friends, walk as brothers

My child please taste of the fruit of your labor

Work hard and life savor

My child please take time to breathe it all in

Drown out the world’s din

My child please hear each of the words I say

I love you in every way©

by Mac

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Filed under Family, Life Lessons, Love of...

Getting Real On Renewed

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I am just going to write from the heart today. Something that I have really been struggling with lately. I am full of many emotions, to be quite honest these days. I know I have shared before and I always am amazed at the out pour of support, so thanks. Things just really suck right now. Not because I have some terrible life, on the contrary I have so much to be thankful for. 

I mean, if one were to just look over my blog you would be able to see all the beauty and amazing qualities of life I have been given. I have a loving husband and two amazing teenagers. My oldest, he is learning to dote on me as his father has always done, and quite impressively really. Brings me to tears even! What 16-year-old boy remembers to record a TV special he knows his mom wanted to see, but forgot to schedule for herself? I mean, I mentioned it one time and he remember! Then didn’t even look for acknowledgement, wow! But I digress…

So, I need you to know, I am not complaining, not even close. I am just venting really. My soul is a sponge and my heart thinks it is a surgeon this leaves me torn by the emotions of ones I care about, interact with and really any bleeding heart I pass by…Of course some lost souls mean more than others. 

Like a skin rejuvenation, you scrub, you peal, some pain and then you shine. I am just in a bit of need of some heart, soul and spirit renewal. I don’t want to change who I am, that wouldn’t be good. But, I feel like I’ve also been siphoned from, I have been left with the dregs of emotions of people come and gone and I am tired. I am so worn down and spent. The case when you give and give, but more is given then received. Or maybe I just have holes in my bucket, I have always liked to do things the hard way. So, then the pain is last and I feel perhaps that is what I am in the throws of. I guess that means I’m soon to be out shiny and new. Hey and maybe I’ll look ten years younger too! ~MM

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Filed under Depression, Life Lessons, Love of...

Lacking

I have SO much to get done, to finish up before Christmas. I have done NONE of my wrapping yet, ugh! I have zero motivation, but with a relative visiting for the next five days and arriving tomorrow, I have got to get things done. So, please excuse my lack of enthusiasm and my high levels of procrastination. I am trying to just get through the holidays without losing my mind! ~Mac 

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Filed under Depression, Family, Uncategorized