No Kidding

When I try to think of the last time I laughed to the point of tears
I would say it has not been for years
But, my oldest is a dark thinker and so his jokes can mirror that
Like the time that he spoke of a dead cat
Or when he talked about a dyslexic, insomniac and an agnostic
The punch lines are sometimes caustic
But when he giggles along with those people that he is telling
I see myself and my heart it is swelling
Growing up, I have always really enjoyed making others laugh
Hearing those giggles, even if it’s a gaffe
At my own expense it can be embarrassing, but is worth it too
When chuckling is done at me by you©

by Mac

I Want A Treat

A cookie and a piece of cake
I want a treat, don’t want to bake
So I go to the grocery store
And down the isles I will explore
I need a snack, oh but what
Had my fill of candy, now in a rut
Not a chip not ice cream too
Like sweet and salty, but neither do
A donut looks like a keeper
Or maybe pizza, it is much cheesier
Too many choices to make
Suppose I will just go home to bake©

by Mac

Four Letters…Well, You Know

I’ve had a revelation I must admit
Sometimes life makes me feel like…well, you know

Actions of others can make me sick
Then you have those that act like a…well, you know

Yes, some are just down on their luck
Things could be better if more gave a…well, you know

Politicians, please get with the program
Countries in disaster, do you even give a…well, you know

I try to see the glass half full, all going well
But it can overwhelm me, just give up, Oh…well, you know©

by Mac

 

 

 

 

A Guy Goes Into A Bar

How could I not giggle when finding out the word of the day is “knackered.”
For all my UK and Aussie friends, this one’s for you. 

I ran into this guy so daft tried to give him the shaft
Bloody hell what a duff, but he thought he was tough
Dodgiest mate I’d ever seen, except, maybe the queen
What an undeniable arse, perhaps this was just a farce
But then my fanny he tried to touch, that was too much
What a cock-up he did make, indeed was a huge mistake
Off his trolley I think somewhat, but I’m giving him a nut
Didn’t know how to react, he was in fact quite gobsmacked
Said, “Bugger off you prat!” and he was finally gone with that
Was knackered after his thrashing, but hey, I still look smashing

All Rights Reserved©
by Mac

Zapped Of My Zip

No pep in my step and no zip-a-dee in my doo-dah…I hate Mondays! ~Mac

 

Hungry Haikus

I am passionate
About many types of food
Get in my belly©
by Mac

When I get thirsty
Longing for something to drink
Give me tequila©
by Mac

A wing and a prayer
I mean buffalo wings sir
Blue cheese to dip them©
by Mac

If you long for sweet
Something that is good to eat
I have a great treat©
by Mac

This is the last one
I mean from the cookie jar
Will you make more please©
by Mac

Tales From The Fitting Room

Your prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “spell.” Use the word “spell” any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use it in the first sentence. 

Let me sit for a spell and tell you about my week. If you are unaware, recently I began working in fashion retail. This week was busy, as I live in a tourist town, (a spring vacation destination no less). My job is aiding people in finding items of clothing, well a bit more, but that is the simple description.

People are quite “interesting” creatures, consistently surprising me. If you have worked with them in any capacity than you know what I mean! I am considering writing a book named “Tales From the Fitting Room” and it would be a comedic-horror-nonfiction. I mean, I have seen way more than I ever wanted to, in just a short period of time.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my job! But, this week was crappy, I mean literally! I shall not elaborate more, but needless to say…disgusting! And, I work in a high-end retail store, you would think that it would be better. I guess it doesn’t matter what walk of life you are in, people are still people. The good, the bad and the terribly inconsiderate.

I never knew that one person could try on so many clothes and leave them in so many manners of inside-out. And how difficult it is to pull a shirt from a pile, whilst not leaving the entire rest of the pile on the floor. And if one more person ignores my greeting and gives me attitude… On the bright side, I had my highest personal sales day with over $1450 sold.

So, as I go to spell the next name on the next fitting room door, I shall be filing away more stories to share. Maybe the next one will be yours. And, do forgive me if I forget to spell your name with two “L’s,” miss an “H,” or add an “E.”©

by Mac

Laugh A Little

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” ~Audrey Hepburn

It is easy to get into a discouraged frame of mind these days. Just turn on the news for two minutes or open your web browser. We are bombarded with negativity! So find the humor in a moment, make somebody smile or laugh at yourself. Life is too short to spend it being sad. I hope I can give you a little chuckle for your day. ~Mac

Don’t you hate…

 

 

Funny Farm

 

There once was a cranky cow because the farmer had called her a sow
With determination she said, “moo” translated means “I don’t like you”

Well the pig got very upset, couldn’t understand what the farmer ment
The heifer was as big as horse, for goodness sake, didn’t “oink” of course

Now the horse heard gossip from the hen, what’d been said in the pig pen
This perturbed him lots, comparing a stallion to cattle that have big spots

The family dog heard the “neigh” of the steed and this angered him indeed
For Spot believed himself a dalmation, to indeed have an amazing vocation

Then the rooster heard “bark” from the pup, thinking it was time to get up
He crowed quite loudly, wanting to prove his great importance so proudly

Seeing the sun had not yet arose, the farmer in anger was quick on his toes
Yelling as he marched out, said, “be quiet!” as he tapped the pig on the snout

So the moral of the story is as such, don’t listen to what others say too much
Especially a story about a man who can’t tell between a chicken and a ham©

by Mac

In Responce to SoCS: Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “moo.” Base your post on the word “moo” or a word that rhymes with it. Bonus points if you actually use the word “moo” in your post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kiss Me…

Well, as many of you know I go by Mac, which is loosely based on my last name. My Irish heritage well, I come by it honestly…through marriage and amazing luck. But give me corned beef and cabbage, color me green, by blarny don’t forget the liquor and of course, “Kiss me…I’m sort of Irish!”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day ya’all!