Tag Archives: humor

Warning Labels

warning-label

Recently I have come to the conclusion that everyone should be required to where a warning label. You know like “Contents may contain a hot mess” or “Requires frequent coddling”! Man, people are just so complicated. It would really make life a hell of a lot easier if we knew what to expect! Don’t you think?

personal-warning-sign

I’m certainly not exempt! I think my labels of late would read something like, “Makes frequent stops to mope!” In fact, I believe that it would probably be easier for those who first met me to know what they should beware of from the get-go. So, I’ve created a list of warning labels for myself. For the good of you all, of course!

Approach with caution, no, seriously”

May contain nuts, actually she’s crazy

Requires adult supervision, I’m needy”

“Baby on board- Oh, you thought I meant a kid”

“May contain…no likely contains, alcohol”

You break it, you buy it”

“This product has been tested on men”

“Take in small doses with plenty of patience”

“Watch out for falling sarcasm”

“When taken with alcohol you may die laughing”

“Please do not feed the hormones”

“Object may appear to be fine when not”

“Not permitted to have serious conversations after 9PM”

“Poisonous: Keep out of reach of idiots, I speak my mind”

“Caution: Addicting”  

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14 Comments

Filed under humor, Life Lessons

Unreachable

I scream and shout but you don’t hear
Perhaps I’ll whisper in your ear

The words I say might be subliminal
And what they hold may be fictional

“But I can’t sell my soul to you
I wouldn’t lie, you know it’s true!”

Whether it is right or wrong?
Even if I add a song?

I’ll bend and break you, hold you down
But still my message has no sound

Pictures of me flash and shutter
Maybe I’ll use melted butter!

©Unreachable by SBDMB (MM)

Thank you to TV commercials and butter, the sponsors of today’s post 😉

12 Comments

Filed under poetry, Uncategorized

You Say Ostentatious, I Say…

I must admit I had to look up this word “ostentatious.” I enjoy using big words, and yes, I have heard this word before. But, I needed some context. I don’t just like to throw around large words, I’m not pernicious, you know!

As a writer and lover of the English language, I quite enjoy Thesaurus.com and highly recommend it. In looking up our “Daily Word Prompt” I found there to be quite a great list of synonyms for ostentatious. And, would you believe it? My name and photo were there too! Right under “conspicuous, flamboyant and glittery”…yes, that’s me!

glitter

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Filed under humor

Perks A Lot

The topic of coffee of course comes to mind when using the word percolate. And, being my favorite “thing” I couldn’t let the opportunity go by without a bit about the subject.

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“A coffee percolator is a type of pot used for complex brewing of coffee by continually cycling the boiling or nearly boiling brew through the grounds using gravity until the required strength is reached.

The percolating coffee pot was invented by the American-born British physicist and soldier Count Rumford, otherwise known as Sir Benjamin Thompson (1753–1814). He invented a percolating coffee pot between 1810 and 1814 following his pioneering work with the Bavarian Army, where he improved the soldiers’ diet as well as their clothing. It was his abhorrence of alcohol and his dislike for tea that led him to promote the use of coffee for its stimulating benefits. For his efforts, in 1791, he was named a Count of the Holy Roman Empire, and granted the formal title of Reichsgraf von Rumford.” Source

Wow! First, I guess we know he’s “American-born” because he disliked tea! But most importantly, can I just say, I find this quite amazing. For inventing this ingenious way of brewing coffee a man was given a title! I wonder if there are any titles lying around for someone who loves coffee as much as I do? Perhaps there is a formal knighting, of sorts, for coffee connoisseurs? My name would be “Dame Brews’olot” Oh man, I doubt it, but one can dream. I suppose I could always settle with a “Coffee Connoisseurs Club.”

**P.S. I did see that he was not given the title for his invention, I took some creative liberties.**

pircalate

 

4 Comments

Filed under humor, Love of...

Some Say It Southern

Came across this great sign the other day. As a transplant to the South I’m still learning to translate some of the sayings, and man is there a bunch! Often things are stated with quite a fiery passion and other times just good ol’ southern charm. So, in an effort to understand better, I recently came across a great piece written by another “Yankee” transplant to the South. Thought I’d share a snippet of hers and some more Southern sayings, below. I hope you enjoy and maybe get a giggle or two! 

“Translating Southern Sayings”

by- Copyright ©2015 Stephanie Henkel

As a transplanted Yankee living in the South, I am often surprised and amazed by the colorful Southern things I hear. Of course, there are the good old standbys we all know and love, like “y’all” and “down yonder.” But the richness of Southern speech goes far beyond one or two-word expressions and there’s a Southern expression for every occasion.

While their images and colloquialisms tickle the funny bone, Southern expressions usually convey exactly what the speaker intended. No one can mistake the intent and meaning of “I’m going to jerk a knot in your tail!” On the other hand, there are some Southernisms that it might take a Yankee like me years to figure out without a translator.

Whether you are from another part of the country or from another country altogether, I hope you enjoy this collection of Southern sayings.

Southern Expressions We Couldn’t Do Without:

  • Y’all.
  • All y’all.
  • Down yonder.
  • Bless your pea-pickin’ little heart!
  • Kiss my go-to-hell.
  • I wouldn’t walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
  • If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.
  • Why so sad? Did Chevrolet stop makin’ trucks?
  • Deep in the South where sushi is still called bait.
  • He’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
  • That sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
  • You’re so fulla s**t your eyes are brown.
  • He was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
  • He couldn’t carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.”

What is a saying that might be more common to your part of the country or world that others would find interesting, funny or hard to understand? Share in the comments!

25 Comments

Filed under humor, nature-photography

Couch Potato?

couch-potato-wanderings-of-my-mind-yyagcw-clipart

The last few days I will admit I have been down right lazy. Perhaps it is the change in time that has thrown me off, or the shorter days beginning to effect my depression. Or maybe the elections wore me out! Whatever it is, I just have no energy. I am feeling very much in a vegetative state. This got me to thinking, am I turning into some sort of couch potato? I do love the comfort of the couch, but I’m not doing too much television watching, a bit of eating though. Hmm…

couchSo, why is the term “potato” always used so negatively? Like “couch potato” or “he looks like a potato”! What the heck have potatoes ever done to you? Potatoes are the MVPS of the food world, the backbone of many dishes. (I’ve never met a french fry I didn’t like!) They won’t ever let you down. You know who is the real winner here, the potato- and we should feel honored to be described as one!

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Filed under Depression, humor

All Dolled Up

 

All Dolled Up

Long locks dripping with wet
Brushing through the mess
Pump in the hair products
Mousse and serum with finesse

Blowing out the chocolate mane
I comb and tug and pull
A heated iron for all the kinks
Now its thick and full

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Prepping of the palate has begun
A tug a pluck a tweeze
Load on the lotion with SPF
Anti-wrinkle and plumping creams

Base for painting is dabbed on
Proceed with puffs and brushes
Lines are drawn and colors blended
The lips now full and luscious

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Wisely chosen baubles gleam
Gold and silver shimmer
Patterns, textures and fabric
Which will make me slimmer?

Linger at the mirror
Then comes the final touch
A boot or flat or a heel
Last just grab my clutch

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Dolled up, now where shall I go
I’ve spent just over an hour
Perhaps I’ll go back to the store
To buy more primping powder

©All Dolled Up by SBDMB (MM)

 

Daily Word Prompt: Primp

4 Comments

Filed under Beauty and Health, humor