Tag Archives: humor

To Whomever Invented Glitter

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To: Whomever invented glitter, you suck! From: The moms that have had the duty of trying to clean that crap out of EVERYTHING!

Okay, who thought putting clitter on gift wrap of any kind was a good idea? I mean, have you ever found yourself glitter”ized” by the time you finished wrapping a gift? Running out of the house because you’re late to a birthday party; only to arrive looking like a stripper mom! Not cool man. Although, likely you are not the only one there, it’s actually like a stripper reunion. 

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Then you have those that believe crafting with glitter is an AMAZING idea! They enjoy sending your child home from a party or school with glittered “art”! WTH, that is NOT art! That is a glitter bomb waiting to explode all over my house! One that will permeate every orifice of living space and my child’s body. 

Finally, what is with the glitter in EVERY woman’s product? Nails, makeup, lotions, body sprays, let alone the clothing. Again, if I wanted to look like a slu… well you get my point! PLEASE, stop putting glitter on and in everything; if we were meant to poop glitter we would all be unicorns!© 

 

Signed, Mac

 

 

 

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Face It

I miss being able to slam the phone down when hanging up on somebody. Let’s face it, violently pressing “end call” just doesn’t have the same effect!

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Phone Face© by Mac

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Things that look like faces

 

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Filed under humor, nature-photography

The Yuck Factor

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There are some words that just shouldn’t be said

The sound of them going through my head

Makes me want to get sick

And gives me a tick

Words like juicy, moist, crusty and gunk

These really put me in a nasty funk

My stomach ups and churns

In other words it turns

So talk to me of things that are full of class

Seriously do not to want to hear crass

This does not mean I’m a prude

I just mean don’t be rude

Some words just have this terrible yuck element

And I wish people would be more hesitant

To use them as adjectives or verbs

Oh how this greatly perturbs

So, please stay away from words like gooey 

Oh and also do not say the word dewey

Okay, when talking just be mindful

Use words that are delightful

by Mac

 

 

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Can’t Make This $#!t Up

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The first time I saw the commercial for this product, I seriously thought I had just turned on Saturday Night Live! No, this could not be a real thing! People would not be spending butt loads of money (pun intended) for a stool (pun unintended)!

But, I was mistaken, for there, on the television was an ice cream pooping unicorn! Yes, this was a sales pitch for the Squatty Potty. I mean how else could you possibly talk about a product used to help someone have an easier time going number two? Of course, unicorns and ice cream, this makes perfect sense! And a stool none the less, you can’t make this $#!t up! 

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I am a huge advocate of potty talk. Personally, nothing makes me giggle more than an inappropriate conversation about bodily functions! Yes, with two teenagers, I can let ’em… well never mind. So, needless to say, with this knowledge, you can imagine my pure delight! Actually, I was probably more like an eight year old boy that likes to say the word fart way too much! But hey, what can I say, ice cream otherwise known as unicorn crap, makes me happy!

So long live the Squatty Potty!  And be sure to catch the MUST SEE commercial video HERE, for Squatty Potty! 

**You may blame this one on the Word Press Daily Prompt: Squat** Mac©

 

 

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Writer’s Block

I wanted to write something, but I came up with squat, nadda, bubkiss, zip, zero, zilch and finally the big goose egg! ~Mac

Writer’s Block articles that are fun.

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No Sheep For The Restless

Insomnia you’re a nasty thing
Arriving and no rest you bring
Leaving me with lack of sleep
So I resort to counting sheep

The first I count is quite fluffy
And number two is very stuffy
Three looks like he is weeping
The fourth is a secret keeping

So unsure what became of five
Do not even know if he’s alive
Here is six, such a pretty thing
Seven has many songs to sing

Think that eight must be late
Or perhaps just out on a date
Here comes nine with a friend
Nope, that is just number ten

Can not believe this is my night
Tried to sleep with all my might
Next I think I’ll name the sheep
Not sure I’m soon to be asleep©

by Mac

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Warning Labels

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Recently I have come to the conclusion that everyone should be required to where a warning label. You know like “Contents may contain a hot mess” or “Requires frequent coddling”! Man, people are just so complicated. It would really make life a hell of a lot easier if we knew what to expect! Don’t you think?

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I’m certainly not exempt! I think my labels of late would read something like, “Makes frequent stops to mope!” In fact, I believe that it would probably be easier for those who first met me to know what they should beware of from the get-go. So, I’ve created a list of warning labels for myself. For the good of you all, of course!

Approach with caution, no, seriously”

May contain nuts, actually she’s crazy

Requires adult supervision, I’m needy”

“Baby on board- Oh, you thought I meant a kid”

“May contain…no likely contains, alcohol”

You break it, you buy it”

“This product has been tested on men”

“Take in small doses with plenty of patience”

“Watch out for falling sarcasm”

“When taken with alcohol you may die laughing”

“Please do not feed the hormones”

“Object may appear to be fine when not”

“Not permitted to have serious conversations after 9PM”

“Poisonous: Keep out of reach of idiots, I speak my mind”

“Caution: Addicting”  

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