Tag Archives: hurt

Ethereal Castle

oh my ethereal castle 

these walls and this structure

they had been built up to hold me

but i have brought much devastation

in their wake i am left to find solace in pain

nothing left to keep me, it’s all utterly crumbled

and now i am left picking up the pieces of them both

piece by piece and brick by brick i must rebuild this fortress

for without it i fear the vultures will pick at my wounds eternally 

yes truly i must find strength and have faith that we will survive it all©

Ethereal Castle by Mac

russellsnr104304

 

 

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Filed under Life Lessons, Love of..., Uncategorized

Feel Free To Go

 

Life is just so complex, so complicated, it sucks and it is messy. What do you do with emotions that are hurting you? How do you throw them away when they are stuck to your insides like glue? Do you put them in a box and place that box in storage unit, throw away the key? How about a wood chipper? Often I just want to forget about emotions and feelings altogether. They have injured me and cut me deeper than they have ever done me any good! 

In fact, I may be on the tour bus route for emotions and feelings. They all get off and have a party in my heart. They get drunk, trash it and then like a relative that overstays their welcome, won’t leave. Yes, I am left with a bunch of drunk emotions, they won’t get out and have terrible hygiene. They screw up the sleeping arrangements and steal all the silver. Vomit in all the bathrooms, don’t know how to flush and eat all the food. Emotions are inconsiderate, come and go as they please and can’t take a hint when it’s time to go. I feel like I need a sign that reads, “No emotions allowed” nailed to my forehead. 

So what do I do with these little F@%@$? I mean can I call an exterminator? Has anyone seen Arnold? If anyone knows of such a person, do feel free to send them my way. In the mean time, I will just be over here in a fetal position, trying to figure out what I am to do with these unwanted guests! Feel free to go at anytime emotions, signed ~Mac©

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Filed under Depression, Life Lessons

Reality’s Choices

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A hope, a wish, a dream

But what is the reality?

To feel, to live, to beam

When will this be me?

Someday is just so far away

I must live with my decision

Heavy on my heart does weigh

It’s not always as you envision

I hope, I pray, I strive

But our reality is this

We must choose to thrive

Until our reality is bliss

Reality’s Choice© by Mac

 

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Filed under Depression, Life Lessons, Love of..., poetry

Hold On

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I just have to hold on, this is all I can do

I know I never have stopped loving you

Hearts have been hurt, it’s too much to say

Life will go on, you’ll forgive me one day

And when in the future you look at my face

You’ll forget sorrow and have joy in its place

Hold On© by Mac xx

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Filed under Life Lessons, Love of..., poetry

Use Words Well

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No beating around the bush with me
If something needs said words run free
Often no filter is present on my lips
In fact if it were I’d saved myself trips
Back to those that I’d hurt terribly
Specifically those I’d treated malicely
To make this stated quite clearly
If you’re in my life, I love you dearly
Don’t be put off by my toughness
If I’ve done wrong, I want forgiveness
So when you speak remember this
Use your words without being careless

Use Words Well© by Mac

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Filed under Life Lessons

When The Holidays Hurt

The holidays are upon us. Here in the US, we have Thanksgiving this coming Thursday. Then, on to December and many different holidays- from Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa to the New Year. It is a time of celebrating, family and friends sharing in moments together and memories made. But, what about when the holidays hurt?

Flipping through my Facebook page and there it sits, “On this day” a memory photo. The sadness is overwhelming and the ache in my chest painful. A photo of someone no longer part of my life. A memory, and then another, until my mind is flooded with the past. Things my heart will not allow me to forget. Years of holiday photos, cherished memories with my kids and husband, but among them are also faces of those whom we left in another life or loved ones who’ve departed.

This is what happens around this time of year for me. But, not just me, for many who have suffered losses. Perhaps through someone’s passing away, or maybe a falling out that ended years of friendship, a relationship or family ties. I have spoken in detail over the “loss” our family had 3 years ago in “My Journey In Faith.” I’ve also mentioned the passing of one of my dearest friends, my Gram, here. The five-year anniversary of her death just this past week.

Seasons may pass and time will go by, but that won’t change a thing. I want to smile and have a laugh, to enjoy the carolers sing. I wrap a gift, put up the tree and enjoy some holiday cheer. But then I find, I need a space, to cry my unshed tears.©~MM

For those who find themselves in this place, it can be such a complicate road to navigate. Often faced with expectations from others for you to be elated with the joys of the season. It is a time for parties and presents, food and merriment! But grief and depression is a real part of the holidays too. One that is often overlooked by those who don’t want to, or don’t know how to, deal with [it], or perhaps aren’t even aware. Often a difficult subject to broach and one that some may avoid altogether. But, I want to meet it head-on because, it is such an important topic to me!

So, how do we process these emotions, this grief, during the holiday season? Or how can you respect and help those that are hurting? Pulling from some of my own experiences, I would like to share some perspective.

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1. Everyone grieves and processes emotions differently.

How one person experiences a loss may not be equal to the person next to you. We are all human, but our brains do not all work the same. One person may grieve openly and with much emotion, while another does not seem to mourn at all. And, what you may believe to be an appropriate place and time to grieve, may not be shared as acceptable “behavior,” by those closest to you. The best thing we can do for ourselves or for one another is to respect the process, whatever that may look like. There is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning.

2. Length of time for grief differs for everyone.

There is not a time limit to the heartache of loss. Do not let anyone attempt to dictate the time it takes to overcome [it]. I believe as long as you are working through grief in a healthy manner, no one should tell you what overcoming loss should look like.

It has been five years since I lost my Gram, still the pain is present. Although I don’t always talk about her, there are times where I still grieve. This is the time of year that she was a very big part of. Most of my adult, married life, she and my grandpa would come over for Thanksgiving to our home. She taught me how to make my first apple pie and always held tips during the process of our Thanksgiving meal. Christmas time was no different. Many of the treats I bake are her recipes. When she got older and no longer felt like baking, I would bring her and Grandpa a tray of treats to share. Hours were spent at their table with coffee and sweets, such special memories for me. Christmas day we always went over to their house in the afternoon. And, although my kids, hubby and I can now reminisce at the memories with fondness, there will always be emotions tied to them.

3. Embrace the pain with the memories.

Now, it is on to thee embracing what I can not change and working to cherish the positive memories. Choosing to live in the present and control what I am able to. This has been a hard one for me. My other “loss” was a large group of individuals whom had been like family, for 14 years. Both of my children’s entire lives were knit together with their’s, up until three years ago. Photos are still difficult, I look back in albums, dozens of faces are mingled in with my family’s memories. Then, there are the holiday traditions that we were all part of together every year. I hope one day that I will be able to do some of those things again, without such sadness accompanying them.

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While grief is unpredictable and often hard to understand, as we head into the holidays, I hope you find solace in knowing that you are not alone. And, if you know someone who is hurting, maybe this will help you find perspective as they navigate the holidays.

Perhaps you have something to add, ask, share or recommend. Please feel free to leave a comment.

 

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Filed under Depression, Family