“I am a mother and mothers don’t have the Luxury of falling apart in front of their children, even when they are afraid, even when their children are adults.”
~Kristin Hannah, The Nightingale
Being a mom is the hardest…thing…job…blessing, I continue to do, in my life. And I do not take the responsibility lightly. I have had the luxury that is not afforded all moms and that is the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom, for the majority of my kid’s lives. Yes, once in a while I chose to work part-time, mainly to get out with adults! Now, I am self-employed and get to do a lot of work from home, a huge blessing.
Parenting is often a thankless job. No one sees those nightly feedings, changing diapers and lack of sleep. The hours that you spend by your child, worrying as they run a high fever or when they are having surgery. Nothing can truly prepare you for the job of being a mom. Even your own mom telling you stories, the advice of a million other moms or a pediatrician’s reassurance- none of these will be enough to remove the self-doubt, times of guilt and restless nights of worry that accompany the job description of mom.
“guilt to motherhood is like grapes to wine”
Now, coexisting with two teenagers, I have come to realize I am needed less. It is a double-edge sword raising your kids and doing so well. The freedoms that I long desired when they were young are now more readily available to me. But, at times, I truly do miss when they would want to snuggle, climb into my lap to read a book and needed me to do most anything. Although, I cannot say that the frustrations, difficulties and worries are less frequent- just brought on by different things. And as I wrote prior (see “Motherhood~ Identity Crisis”) there are times I just don’t want to be around my kids. But, the majority of the time I just look at the little (even if my son is taller than me) adults they are becoming and am in awe of how quickly the years have gone! I still want to kiss them in public or have their little hands in mine. These are luxuries I no long have, so on to the next chapter we turn.
“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ~Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm