Celebrating

Yesterday was my boyfriend’s birthday, a notable day. Celebrating life after a death is hard. But, we embraced the day and even decided to go where Philip had gone the day before he died, for his birthday- bowling. His energy was with us and we laughed and smiled, things I miss most about him. -Mac

 

 

 

Sweet Puppy Love

What is sweeter than a pair of puppies? Meet Lennon “Lenny” and McCartney “Micky”! They are my 6 week old babies. Born to the same mom (a Chihuahua)— one has a Jack Russel father and the other a Yorkie father (look up how that happens, lol!). They are the lights of my days.

This Life

Life has so much to teach me still, it bends me and tries to break my will
Takes me up just to drop me low, I never know which to way to go
Struggling daily just to cope, feeling like I have so little hope

However long I try to be free, depression always seems stronger than me
Ruining friendships I hold dear and the love I want to be so near
In the end I’ll likely be alone, for many things I must atone

I hate how vulnerable I feel with you and hate these damn emotions too
Always a wreck and I’m never in control, life is taking such a toll
From my mouth there’s no sound as I crumble to the ground

Don’t know how to live but cannot die, and you are the only reason why
I get so caught  up in my head- Wondering, am I better off as dead?
Yet every day that I’m with you, is so much better as us two©

by Mac

 

Self-Destruct

Pieces of me lay on the floor, cannot put myself back together again
I have torn the flesh from my own limbs and I am only bones now
The parts of me that once were beautiful are now ugly and decayed
I reek of death and loss as the Grim Reaper comes with his plow©

by Mac

Just Another Love Song

A simple gesture, a hand on mine, skin to skin
Touches me deeper than one could imagine
Never realized how foreign it could feel
Until you reached in and warmed me

Were the gods looking down on this moment?
Did they see my brokeness and yours too?
Two lost souls destined to be haunted?
No, our pasts do not taint us here!

So, can there be something so true?
As a second chance come along
If I am to believe this, and I do
Then this is where I belong
Here I ascend into you©

by Mac

 

Only Ashes

An ember was born and became a flame
It soon burnt out and only did remain
A piece of what once was my heart
Destroyed by this life, torn apart
The smoldering smell is putrid
But worst still is the hatred
Away with love it lashes
Now I am only ashes© 

by Mac

Rainbows End

Listen! Did you hear that sound? At first it was a whisper, then it was a pound.
Beating on the window, banging on the door. Did you hear it, as my tears pour?

I didn’t want to allow them to fall, but you encouraged me, “Let go of them all!”
Keeping in my feelings is not healthy for me, they need to fly away, go, be free

So I wrote them in this letter, released it to the sky, watch as it soars so very high
And one day, I hope you see, there’s a rainbow in my eyes which you gave to me©

by Mac

Pull Back The Curtain

Pull back the curtain and you will see all the things hidden in me
Locked away deep in my soul, these are what make me whole
Keeping them covered from view, so not to hurt all of you
But I must embrace who I have become, my entire sum
Living a secretive way is not how to spend every day
Making the choice is harder still, but I know I will
Because when I choose me, then am I set free©

by Mac

Daily Post

Fear Anchors

Reblogging from back in December. One of my favorites…

Anchor that held me
Has left the sea floor
Not sure where it went
Isn’t there any more

Swaying and bobbing
The ocean has taken
I look to the captain
But he has forsaken

Swept with the tides
No harbor in sight
Just miss the rocks
Lost to great fright

Then I remembered
Was of my own choice
I must let it all go
Have my own voice

Taking the controls
My vessel, my own
Direction of choosing
Even though all alone

No longer I’m pulled
No longer you steer
No longer I’m anchored
No longer I’ll fear©

by Mac

Lost And Not Found

Lost myself, cannot be found
Looked and looked all around
But to no avail I couldn’t find
Where it was I put my mind

How’d I realize I was gone?
The sunrise one early dawn
Beauty of the morning’s sun
No longer felt emotions come

Couldn’t be moved anymore
As I stood on thee ocean shore
The salty air or waves of gold
Yet all I am is bitter and cold

I touch where heart should be
It is a mystery how it did flee
Also found my spirit was MIA
Not certain how I got this way

Was it my choice? Had I known?
That I would leave me all alone
To face this cruel uncaring place
Not one emotion left on this face

So, I put an add out in the paper
“A missing person, it is a caper”
But just received one sad reply
“Sorry I forgot to say goodbye!”©

by Mac