Yesterday was my boyfriend’s birthday, a notable day. Celebrating life after a death is hard. But, we embraced the day and even decided to go where Philip had gone the day before he died, for his birthday- bowling. His energy was with us and we laughed and smiled, things I miss most about him. -Mac
Filed under Depression, loss
What is sweeter than a pair of puppies? Meet Lennon “Lenny” and McCartney “Micky”! They are my 6 week old babies. Born to the same mom (a Chihuahua)— one has a Jack Russel father and the other a Yorkie father (look up how that happens, lol!). They are the lights of my days.
Life has so much to teach me still, it bends me and tries to break my will
Takes me up just to drop me low, I never know which to way to go
Struggling daily just to cope, feeling like I have so little hope
However long I try to be free, depression always seems stronger than me
Ruining friendships I hold dear and the love I want to be so near
In the end I’ll likely be alone, for many things I must atone
I hate how vulnerable I feel with you and hate these damn emotions too
Always a wreck and I’m never in control, life is taking such a toll
From my mouth there’s no sound as I crumble to the ground
Don’t know how to live but cannot die, and you are the only reason why
I get so caught up in my head- Wondering, am I better off as dead?
Yet every day that I’m with you, is so much better as us two©
Pieces of me lay on the floor, cannot put myself back together again
I have torn the flesh from my own limbs and I am only bones now
The parts of me that once were beautiful are now ugly and decayed
I reek of death and loss as the Grim Reaper comes with his plow©
A simple gesture, a hand on mine, skin to skin
Touches me deeper than one could imagine
Never realized how foreign it could feel
Until you reached in and warmed me
Were the gods looking down on this moment?
Did they see my brokeness and yours too?
Two lost souls destined to be haunted?
No, our pasts do not taint us here!
So, can there be something so true?
As a second chance come along
If I am to believe this, and I do
Then this is where I belong
Here I ascend into you©
An ember was born and became a flame
It soon burnt out and only did remain
A piece of what once was my heart
Destroyed by this life, torn apart
The smoldering smell is putrid
But worst still is the hatred
Away with love it lashes
Now I am only ashes©
Listen! Did you hear that sound? At first it was a whisper, then it was a pound.
Beating on the window, banging on the door. Did you hear it, as my tears pour?
I didn’t want to allow them to fall, but you encouraged me, “Let go of them all!”
Keeping in my feelings is not healthy for me, they need to fly away, go, be free
So I wrote them in this letter, released it to the sky, watch as it soars so very high
And one day, I hope you see, there’s a rainbow in my eyes which you gave to me©