Tag Archives: loss

Rain Upon My Soul


My soul is thirsty but I have no more to give

The spring has all but dried up within me

My body decays as I long for this quenching

How am I to live in this state of utter need?

To thrive as everything around me withers

The living among this wasteland of the dead

Exposed to emotions of loss and utter pain

I pray for rain to come and relieve my soul

Tears that will wash away the dust and filth

Revealing new growth and revitalizing the old

Changing that which I was into what I will be

Newness of life and a soul once again full of joy

I must hope, I must believe, I must have faith

If the rain does not come I fear all will be lost©

by Mac




Filed under Depression

Ethereal Castle

oh my ethereal castle 

these walls and this structure

they had been built up to hold me

but i have brought much devastation

in their wake i am left to find solace in pain

nothing left to keep me, it’s all utterly crumbled

and now i am left picking up the pieces of them both

piece by piece and brick by brick i must rebuild this fortress

for without it i fear the vultures will pick at my wounds eternally 

yes truly i must find strength and have faith that we will survive it all©

Ethereal Castle by Mac





Filed under Life Lessons, Love of..., Uncategorized

Feel Free To Go


Life is just so complex, so complicated, it sucks and it is messy. What do you do with emotions that are hurting you? How do you throw them away when they are stuck to your insides like glue? Do you put them in a box and place that box in storage unit, throw away the key? How about a wood chipper? Often I just want to forget about emotions and feelings altogether. They have injured me and cut me deeper than they have ever done me any good! 

In fact, I may be on the tour bus route for emotions and feelings. They all get off and have a party in my heart. They get drunk, trash it and then like a relative that overstays their welcome, won’t leave. Yes, I am left with a bunch of drunk emotions, they won’t get out and have terrible hygiene. They screw up the sleeping arrangements and steal all the silver. Vomit in all the bathrooms, don’t know how to flush and eat all the food. Emotions are inconsiderate, come and go as they please and can’t take a hint when it’s time to go. I feel like I need a sign that reads, “No emotions allowed” nailed to my forehead. 

So what do I do with these little F@%@$? I mean can I call an exterminator? Has anyone seen Arnold? If anyone knows of such a person, do feel free to send them my way. In the mean time, I will just be over here in a fetal position, trying to figure out what I am to do with these unwanted guests! Feel free to go at anytime emotions, signed ~Mac©


Filed under Depression, Life Lessons



Never knew how capable I was

I told the truth and undid

Everything I once held dear

Now life is just so unclear

I’ll hold up there is no doubt

I can’t give up on you or me

What was one is torn in two

Now so much I must renew

But I know we’ll overcome

This journey is an uphill race

Looking back and one day see

What was to be of you and me

Overcomer© by Mac

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Filed under Depression, Family, Life Lessons, Love of..., Uncategorized

Reality’s Choices


A hope, a wish, a dream

But what is the reality?

To feel, to live, to beam

When will this be me?

Someday is just so far away

I must live with my decision

Heavy on my heart does weigh

It’s not always as you envision

I hope, I pray, I strive

But our reality is this

We must choose to thrive

Until our reality is bliss

Reality’s Choice© by Mac



Filed under Depression, Life Lessons, Love of..., poetry

Hold On


I just have to hold on, this is all I can do

I know I never have stopped loving you

Hearts have been hurt, it’s too much to say

Life will go on, you’ll forgive me one day

And when in the future you look at my face

You’ll forget sorrow and have joy in its place

Hold On© by Mac xx


Filed under Life Lessons, Love of..., poetry

Getting Real On Renewed


I am just going to write from the heart today. Something that I have really been struggling with lately. I am full of many emotions, to be quite honest these days. I know I have shared before and I always am amazed at the out pour of support, so thanks. Things just really suck right now. Not because I have some terrible life, on the contrary I have so much to be thankful for. 

I mean, if one were to just look over my blog you would be able to see all the beauty and amazing qualities of life I have been given. I have a loving husband and two amazing teenagers. My oldest, he is learning to dote on me as his father has always done, and quite impressively really. Brings me to tears even! What 16-year-old boy remembers to record a TV special he knows his mom wanted to see, but forgot to schedule for herself? I mean, I mentioned it one time and he remember! Then didn’t even look for acknowledgement, wow! But I digress…

So, I need you to know, I am not complaining, not even close. I am just venting really. My soul is a sponge and my heart thinks it is a surgeon this leaves me torn by the emotions of ones I care about, interact with and really any bleeding heart I pass by…Of course some lost souls mean more than others. 

Like a skin rejuvenation, you scrub, you peal, some pain and then you shine. I am just in a bit of need of some heart, soul and spirit renewal. I don’t want to change who I am, that wouldn’t be good. But, I feel like I’ve also been siphoned from, I have been left with the dregs of emotions of people come and gone and I am tired. I am so worn down and spent. The case when you give and give, but more is given then received. Or maybe I just have holes in my bucket, I have always liked to do things the hard way. So, then the pain is last and I feel perhaps that is what I am in the throws of. I guess that means I’m soon to be out shiny and new. Hey and maybe I’ll look ten years younger too! ~MM


Filed under Depression, Life Lessons, Love of...