Tag Archives: motherhood

Mother’s Day Sorrows

I never thought that I would be writing about grief for Mother’s Day. It has always been such a happy day for me. But, so many things have changed for me in the past year and a half, it is now a weight on my heart.

I have one child living and an angel child. In the last year between divorce, Philip’s death and my other child (Alex) coming out as transgender I look at pictures and don’t recognize my life anymore.

A765E116-C148-4B3B-B3A0-6BAD8334AA35

Mother’s Day two years ago, Katelyn (now Alex) and Philip (right).

This is not to say I am unhappy. I have a beautiful child living and a loving boyfriend; but the weight in my heart is heavy and the pain so raw. They say, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I’ve always believed this. But today, as Mother’s Day looms, I find myself planning to visit my child’s grave for the first time since he passed away 11 weeks ago.

My plan with Alex, for this day, we will go hiking at our favorite spot that we would go with Philip. We will release balloons to honor him. Alex encourages me to keep getting up each day and to continue being the best mom I can be. It is not easy; I would like to sleep through the day. I won’t though, I will put one foot in front of another, as I have every day since my sunshine left me.

-Mac

EFB1D7E7-E564-48F8-9A1B-D96A7C27E846

Our hiking spot the last time we went with Philip

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Depression, Family, loss

It’s The Best

8517818-3x2-700x467

The love of a child is the best feeling
Coming to mom when they need healing
With opened arms taking them in an embrace
Remember the day you first looked on their face
The need that they have, to know you’re their mom
All of the firsts, a roll and a crawl, a hand in your palm
With tears in your eyes or wiping away some of theirs too
But most of all, it’s the best, the first time they say “I love you”©

by Mac

Happy Mother’s Day to all of those who have the honor of being a mom!

1 Comment

Filed under Family, inspiration, Love of..., poetry

Life In The Fast Lane

Too-Much-Too-Fast-Why-We-Need-to-Pause-in-Life

“It is only when we feel deprived that we resent giving to others. Self-care does not mean you stop caring about others; it just means you start caring more about you. Start thinking about yourself more and others less. Since you have a choice between taking care of someone else, or giving to yourself, try choosing yourself sometimes.”  ~Beverly Engel, The Right to Innocence

The world is giving us lots of imput, and constantly things are coming at us, all while we are being faced with choices. There are times I feel my mind slipping, getting caught up in these things that are really unimportant and of no consequence. Control of my depression and anxiety will start to fail. Then I begin to feel that I am no good to anyone and a fog settles into my mind. I’m in the fast lane but I’m about to cause an accident because my vehicle’s ‘check engine’ light is on. 

More and more I realize how important it is for me to take time to pause. I need to renew self so that I can get through life as a mom, wife and person. I have to make this time a necessity and not just a luxury. Call it a mental health day or call it ‘me’ time, but it is what keeps me sane. 

What types of activities do I do with this time? Well, everyone’s idea of what is enjoyable differs. But, some activities, no mater the person, can be quite theraputic. I have found art, journaling, meditation and yoga are useful for everyone. There is much scientific research that backs this up. I can attest that these are all amazing ways to bring my mind back into focus, clarity and at peace. 

As for other options I choose to do with my free time– I enjoy hanging out at Starbucks or walking around my favorite store, going to the library, strolling on the beach and doing photography. These pastimes are inexpensive or free, but do so much to help me feel refreshed and get my motor running properly. So, I hope that you will be sure to take moments to relax and renew yourself too, remembering to slow down once in a while before you crash and burn.

 

18 Comments

Filed under Depression, Life Lessons

My Child

hildren_well_parenting_for_authentic_success_1

Perhaps it’s because my oldest turned 16 this week or maybe because we have been dealing with many struggles this year already in my two teen’s lives. But, I have had my kids on my mind a lot this week. As many mom’s do, we worry and with that give- whether it’s time, emotions, energy or sleep! We are often pulled in so many directions, with little of anything left for ourselves. So, here’s to my children and all those mom’s out there that are doing what we do, thinking of our kids. Love, Mac 

To My Children

My child please see yourself the way I do

Perfect and pure and true

My child please feel compassion for others

With friends, walk as brothers

My child please taste of the fruit of your labor

Work hard and life savor

My child please take time to breathe it all in

Drown out the world’s din

My child please hear each of the words I say

I love you in every way©

by Mac

625b80f2f29635f02634a87163cf326a

 

3 Comments

Filed under Family, Life Lessons, Love of...

Sound Or Silence?

“Silence was not the absence of sound but was itself a sound that could be loud or soft, soothing or disturbing, complex or simple.” ~Julius Lester

silence1

I believe that everyone has times when all they would like is to hear nothing. The feeling of pure silence and calm. When even your mind does not run wild with noise from the day, thoughts or even emotion. To be able to just draw in your breathe, refresh your mind and be one with nature…if that’s your thing.

For me, I am just as happy with a cup of coffee and my laptop. Oh, and a few moments when my kids aren’t opening or closing doors, asking me a question, watching the television and no one needs me to do anything for them. Yes, these are a mother’s dreams.

silence

Okay, so I also do enjoy a jaunt to the market by myself. I know it’s not the quietest spot, but I can get lost in the isles, thinking of little else but my grocery list, buggy and sales. Grateful my kids can stay home by themselves now, a well earned respite after years of taking them with me! Pushing the large “car” shaped mammoth of a cart around the store, two tots popping in and out, running around- yes, that mom was me! I try to have patience (a little pity too) on the moms I witness in those situations now. However, honestly, I just find my nerves no longer have the ability to handle the screaming and high pitched noises of little tykes anymore!

Well, here’s to whatever type of silence helps you achieve a recharge of mind and body. Most importantly, is that you make time to when it’s needed. I find I am a better version of me, for not only myself but everyone around me, when I take time out to listen to the sound that speaks to me.

Other posts: Time For What’s ImportantThrivingHow To Stay Passion Driven

 

 

 

 

11 Comments

Filed under Life Lessons

How To Find Money

“If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!”~William Shatner

saving st

I have always been thrifty. I can say that is in part to my mom who taught me young to shop yard sales, thrift stores and use coupons. Now, that does not mean we looked dumpy or didn’t have enough. In fact, most people wouldn’t have known that we did this type shopping, except my mom loved to brag that she, “only payed a quarter for this lovely top” that someone just complimented her on. But, I came to see this as a huge thing, why not brag that you saved money on something that another payed full price for? And, although the reason my mom was thrifty was because we had low income when I was young does not mean it is why you should save. Why spend your hard earned money when you don’t have to?

So, fast forward to the present- I would love to share with you some of the ways and places that I have learned to save or better yet make money! I likely will not be able to get them all into this post, so keep an eye out for future follow ups (if I get good feedback and interest).

save-money-sign I am a huge believer in getting the best bang for the buck. If I know that I can pay less somewhere else or I have a coupon, you better believe that I am going to wait to make a purchase. I have found some extraordinary money saving and money making sights in my search for money. I’m not just talking pennies, I am saying 100’s of dollars a year in rebates and savings! Money back in my pocket or well, my PayPal account. I am going to first cover the Apps that I use to save (or make) $100’s on my groceries, retail and restaurants, every year. I will tell you, it may seem like work at first, but the payoff is worth it. After a while, it becomes second nature to just use these wherever you go. And who doesn’t want to make or save money?!

Coupons.com– A great place to print off coupons. You can do it online or download the app to your phone. You can get two prints per coupon and also a tip is to play with the zip codes in settings, that will get you different coupons depending on the area.

ibotta– This has been one of my favorite and all time highest money making Apps. It is a rebate app for groceries, retail and restaurant spending. If you have friends who use the app you can also link through Facebook or email and help each other meet rebate goals, earning extra money. Payments can be received via PayPal, gift cards or check. Year to date, I have earned over $500 in just over the past two years with this.

Saving Star, Checkout51 & MobiSave– These apps are all similar with rebates for groceries. I love when they all are offering a rebate for the same item and I end up getting the item for FREE or even making money on it! Similar to “ibotta” but not quite as high in earnings. Still year to date, over the last couple years I have averaged about $200 total from all three apps combined. PayPal is the best option for payment, but I believe they have choices also.savingsahead

Find & Save– Entering your nearest big city location, this app gives you rebates for groceries, retail and restaurants also. Often there is a time limit from a day to a week. Unlike other apps, it often requires a certain amount be spent to make a percentage back. Easy to use and offering a myriad of places. I have used this app for the past year and have earned approximately $75.

Receipt Hog– This is simply a receipt adding App. Most receipts are taken in retail, grocery, gas and some restaurant. You take a pic of your receipt and give a star rating on your experience. You earn points or spins, all adding up to be turned in for gift cards or PayPal. It does take longer to earn with this App, but if you are consistent with putting in receipts you can make about $40 to $80 a year.

Windfall– This App is price matching for Target, Walmart, Toys R Us/Babies R Us, Staples, Best Buy, Home Depot and Lowe’s. Once a purchase is made from one of these locations you scan in your receipt. If that item was cheaper on their website or in another store, you are notified and can return to the location’s service desk to get refunded the difference. I have used it at multiple locations and have not had a problem with their honoring this app. I just recently started using it and have made about $10 back.

Shopkick– An in store App where you are awarded points for opening the app at the door of your location. You also are awarded point values for scanning in certain bar codes from merchandise specified for the store, all while shopping. They have expanded now to more points for purchases on certain items scanned. Like “Receipt Hog” it awards money to points and does take longer to earn. I have made approximately $25 year to date.

Cartwheel– Target’s App for savings in their store. Choose the discounts you want to use from weekly offers and show the cashier your bar code at the register during checkout. Savings are automatically taken off. I like to find coupons to add on top of the savings! I also recommend getting yourself a RedCard which saves you 5% off the top of every Target purchase. They offer debit or credit cards, you can sign up online or in the store.

Savings Catcher– Walmart’s price matching for items purchased. You scan receipt code to the app and they let you know in about five days if any savings were found. They keep a total for you which can be redeemed at Walmart on future purchases. I have made back approximately $50 in the past two years.

keep calm

 

Okay, I’ve shared quite a bit! I hope that you will check these out and start your road to savings today! I have other ways to save and earn I’d like to share, perhaps for another day. Let me know if you want to read more, what you want to save on, like what you’ve read or other apps and ways you have found helpful! 

 

 

 

 

8 Comments

Filed under Money Maker

Living In the Lap of…Mom

“I am a mother and mothers don’t have the Luxury of falling apart in front of their children, even when they are afraid, even when their children are adults.” 
~Kristin Hannah, The Nightingale

Being a mom is the hardest…thing…job…blessing, I continue to do, in my life. And I do not take the responsibility lightly. I have had the luxury that is not afforded all moms and that is the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom, for the majority of my kid’s lives. Yes, once in a while I chose to work part-time, mainly to get out with adults! Now, I am self-employed and get to do a lot of work from home, a huge blessing.

art-cool-funny-girls-Favim.com-833865Parenting is often a thankless job. No one sees those nightly feedings, changing diapers and lack of sleep. The hours that you spend by your child, worrying as they run a high fever or when they are having surgery. Nothing can truly prepare you for the job of being a mom. Even your own mom telling you stories, the advice of a million other moms or a pediatrician’s reassurance- none of these will be enough to remove the self-doubt, times of guilt and restless nights of worry that accompany the job description of mom.

“guilt to motherhood is like grapes to wine” 
~Fay Weldon  

funny-baby-koala-bear-hug-cuddle-mom-cant-breath-pics

Now, coexisting with two teenagers, I have come to realize I am needed less. It is a double-edge sword raising your kids and doing so well. The freedoms that I long desired when they were young are now more readily available to me. But, at times, I truly do miss when they would want to snuggle, climb into my lap to read a book and needed me to do most anything. Although, I cannot say that the frustrations, difficulties and worries are less frequent- just brought on by different things. And as I wrote prior (see “Motherhood~ Identity Crisis”) there are times I just don’t want to be around my kids. But, the majority of the time I just look at the little (even if my son is taller than me) adults they are becoming and am in awe of how quickly the years have gone! I still want to kiss them in public or have their little hands in mine. These are luxuries I no long have, so on to the next chapter we turn.

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is…and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.”  ~Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm

SAHM

8 Comments

Filed under Family, Life Lessons