Tag Archives: music

Don’t Want To Play

 

These are lyrics to a song that I wrote a while back during a very dark time in my life. I was in a very self destructive place, stemming from a depression that was consuming me. Writing has been a very theraputic outlet for me and plays a major roll in aiding me when I feel myself falling. It is so important to find things that keep you grounded or bring you joy, even if they are momentary, during these times. May is Mental Illness Month. If you or someone you know battles mental illness, there are many great resources here.  

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Don’t Want To Play

by Mac

You tied my hands and you broke my will
Roughed me up, bleeding, you took your fill
Stole all my dignity, now I’ve none to spare
Then told me lies, said they wouldn’t care

Darkness please find another play ground
No more do I desire to be sought and found
Darkness please find another play ground
Last time we played I almost drowned

Next time you want to play your game
I hope I’m strong enough to say the same
But I get weak and tired from the run
Each time I’m fooled, think I already won

Darkness please find another play ground
No more do I desire to be sought and found
Darkness please find another play ground
Last time we played I almost drowned

I am the puppet and you hold the strings
Took my voice, which no good thing brings
Used my words towards others, now disdain
And to my heart, brought me much pain

Darkness please find another play ground
No more do I desire to be sought and found
Darkness please find another play ground
Last time we played I almost drowned©

 

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Filed under Depression, inspiration, poetry

Pink the Song

Pink, is one of my favorite singers. (Yes, she isn’t for everyone and does F bomb, so I warn you.) In honor of Mental Illness May, I’m going to share a song that has often helped me when I am down on myself, doubt my mind and who I am. I hope that you realize too, that you are perfect just the way you are. ~Mac

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“F***n’ Perfect”

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss No-Way-It’s-All-Good,
It didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look, I’m still around

Pretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than f***ing perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re f***ing perfect to me

You’re so mean, when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices, in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same
Oh, oh

Pretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than f***ing perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re f***ing perfect to me

The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice-cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, ’cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that, why do I do that?

Yeah! Oh!
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty, please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than f***ing perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re f***ing perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect
Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing. You’re f***ing perfect to me.

by Pink

Listen to song here

If you or someone you know battles mental illness, there are many great resources here. And this is a piece on my perspective, Mental Illness May #1

 

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Filed under Depression, inspiration

The Ocean Song

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by Mac©

I could listen all night long to the sound of your rhythmic song

Your waves they splash to and fro as the waters ebb and flow

I shut my eyes, listen close as I hear the song you chose

A perfect pitch, a lucid role as you sing a tranquil solo

The melody touches deep, soothing me, I fall asleep

Sands of time are lost to me as I drift out to sea

Dancing on waters vast, but night will not last

So I bid you, adieu! Oh Ocean, I do love you©

by Mac

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Filed under Beach Life, nature-photography, poetry

Running On Empty

I was contemplating what a good piece would be for today, and came up empty. Really, like feeling a bit dry, running on low. I feel the need to keep it real here. It is important and also encourages others who struggle, as I do, to do the same. My life and emotions are just zapping me these days. I have a bit going on in the personal baggage department. And, then of course the holidays and all those mixed feelings, as I shared here. Shorter, cooler days and less sun also aid in my depression and insomnia flare ups.

So what do you do when things just get too overwhelming? Or like myself you find you’re running on empty?

Well, I have found that blogging has been a great therapy for me. But, it’s not always a place I can freely flow with every thought. So, finding a creative outlet elsewhere has been key for me too, over the years. Drawing and music are valuable to me. I can sit for hours just putting pencil to paper and playing a collection of eclectic artists. I go from heavy medal and hard rock all the way to piano music. With my creative flow it takes on a personality of its own. I will figure out as I go, as the music moves me. Sometimes it’s interesting what comes out at the end, often quite based on my musical connections.(Be sure to see my drawing below.)

Last, I cannot express how much finding kindred souls has helped! Through blogging I have found many that connect with me on different levels of understanding and empathy. Those that touch base with me daily and extend words of kindness to me. Going perhaps on just a vibe from an emotional piece I’ve written. These I cannot treasure enough. It is salve to the soul to have these connections.

Empathy is a beautiful and refreshing quality, but can also be abused by others. As an empath, I find myself at times drained. The world likes to siphon strength from me, down to my heart and soul, until nothing but my shell remains. The arts, writing, music and blogging- these are the fuel that I must use to refill and empower myself. It does take time and effort, but I do know that this too shall pass.

I cannot emphasize enough how much it means to me when you leave a comment, even just a “hello” brightens my day. So, thank you!

The below came of listening to Poison’s “Every Rose Has A Thorn” and Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” 🙂

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©Every Rose by SBDMB (MM)

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Filed under Depression, My Art

Life In Song

My life is a soundtrack filled with an eclectic mixture. My playlists hold songs from- Pink, One Republic, Maroon 5, Katy Perry, Nickelback, Justin Timberlake, Gwen Stefani, Imagine Dragons, Taylor Swift, Adele and many more. This does not even cover the 80’s, 90’s and oh, the Christian rock groups that I enjoy! I just went to see Switchfoot, live, last week.

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Music is truly the background noise of my life. Songs have helped me through many times of depression and struggles. And really, I wasn’t sure that I could pick just one tune that has meaning for me. However, I will share a song that has many memories for me, although bitter sweet, from my childhood. Not one from a mixed tape, recorded in secret off the radio (yes children of the 80’s & 90’s era, you know what I’m talking about). No, this was sung along with a piano, in the pews of church on Sunday mornings.

I have shared in the past that I grew up in a faith based home, my father was a minister for many years. I was raised under very strict and highly conservative rules. From not being allowed to go to the movies or proms, and most definitely no “secular” music. (No, I didn’t know Kevin Bacon or Foot Loose.) I grew up listening to many hymns sung by Sandy Patty and Christy Lane. I chuckle now, but then, I really knew no different.

The song that has many memories for me is “The Old Rugged Cross” George Bennard, 1913. When I was young, my dad would play his guitar and we would sing it together at church in front of everyone. I always thought I was special getting to sing up in front of a crowd. (Simon Cowell eat your heart out!) Later, I would sing it with my sister for my Mother-in-Law’s funeral, as it was also one of her favorite songs. The lyrics hold a message of hope, even in sadness, for those of the Christian faith. And, although I haven’t sung a hymn in quite some time, it always amazes me that the words are not forgotten. They are buried deep in my soul, and are a part of who I am.

Brad Paisley does a great job singing, The Old Rugged Cross, if you would like to listen.

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Discover Challenge: Song

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Filed under Family, Love of...

Eclipsed Heart

“Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart”

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Today’s Daily Prompt: Eclipse proves that I surely do think in lyrics, as I’ve mention before. (Lyrical Laughs). The first thing that came to mind was Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart“. I’m a bit of mush and when it comes to 80’s music, I just can’t help it. This is a beautiful song- if you haven’t heard it before, I hope you’ll take a few minutes to enjoy thee original video, which I linked below.

 via YouTube: Total Eclipse of the Heart
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Lyrical Laughs

“Funny how a melody sounds like a memory.” ~Eric Church

lyricsMy husband and I are huge fans of music and movies. In fact we have had full conversations where we only use lines from songs or movies, many of which are from the 80’s. Our kids look at us like we are completely crazy, but that is just how we roll. It is not uncommon for one or both of us to randomly break out singing, because something reminded us of a song lyric, on a weekly basis. The best is when we both do the same line at the same time.

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I am also a huge fan of singing loudly to music on the radio. By myself in the car, windows open and the bass turned up, playing DEF LEPPARD‘s “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Yes, I am that crazy woman next to you in traffic who doesn’t know the lyrics but is singing loud and hard anyway! Oh stop, you know you do it too, don’t judge! Music and melodies were made to enjoy. So have some fun, even if you don’t know the words.

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“Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you’ve never sung before, and you realize you’ve never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, ‘Life in the Fast Lane?’ That’s what they’re saying right there? You think, ‘why have I been singing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ how many people have heard me sing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ I am an idiot.” ~Ellen DeGeneres, My Point… And I Do Have One

 

via Daily Prompt: Melody

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