No Kidding

When I try to think of the last time I laughed to the point of tears
I would say it has not been for years
But, my oldest is a dark thinker and so his jokes can mirror that
Like the time that he spoke of a dead cat
Or when he talked about a dyslexic, insomniac and an agnostic
The punch lines are sometimes caustic
But when he giggles along with those people that he is telling
I see myself and my heart it is swelling
Growing up, I have always really enjoyed making others laugh
Hearing those giggles, even if it’s a gaffe
At my own expense it can be embarrassing, but is worth it too
When chuckling is done at me by you©

by Mac

To Self Be True

I need a reprieve from life, as a mother and a wife
Things are tough and just so damn rough
Slow down, smell a rose or touch sand with my toes
Or see a sunset as tears make my face wet

Alas I am a mom and wife, for this indeed is my life
So I go on with my days, for them always
First to be as they need, while insides beg and pleed
Can such selfishness hold any happiness?

Along the way I decided to be all of me, undivided
Giving in to what I feel, helps me to heal
It’s okay to have these times, we need to sometimes
I found to be content, I will need to vent

If you’re a spouse or a parent, no need to feel errant
Don’t allow guilt when life makes you wilt
Connect with emotions each day as you find the way
The strength is in you, to yourself be true©

by Mac

 

 

Helping My Children

Helping our children through the struggles of depression has been the hardest task that we as parents have ever encountered. Not only have we broached the most difficult of times, we have faced thee unthinkable. I never knew the true meaning of the word “helpless” until this journey began.

Some things that we have been using to help counteract this illness have been counseling, with cognitive therapy, and yes, even medicine. (Medicine was not our first choice, but was necessary in the end, to battle the chemical imbalances.) We have also been using exercise, healthy eating, vitamins, probiotics and even yoga. Studies prove the body and digestive system are closely tied to the brain and chemicals there.

It is also very important to have a “game plan” when the down times occur. Even I have talked about what I do here. It is really no different for my kids. We must have things in place that they can do to bring enjoyment into their days, if only for a moment. My oldest likes building electromagnets, weight lifting, crocheting and video games. My youngest prefers crafting, art and drawing, along with the outdoors and biking. This does not mean the struggles don’t still reek havoc, but these counter measures can and do help. Teaching coping skills is vital to surviving this disease!

The biggest commodity to me in this illness, however, has been my own personal experiences. I have said before, empathy is so much different from sympathy. Being able to connect with my two teens by understanding and relating, is priceless. We communicate frequently and they are usually quite open with me. Does it make things easier? Not always! But, it does help them to know they are not alone is this battle. And being able to knowledgeably advocate for them is a blessing.

May is Mental Illness Month. If you or someone you know battles mental illness, there are many great resources here.  Also read my piece Speaking The Language which talks more about this journey with my family. 

Other articles:
Mental Illness May #1
Life With Anxiety
Dear Agony~depression
Breaking Free
After The Storm

It’s The Best

The love of a child is the best feeling
Coming to mom when they need healing
With opened arms taking them in an embrace
Remember the day you first looked on their face
The need that they have, to know you’re their mom
All of the firsts, a roll and a crawl, a hand in your palm
With tears in your eyes or wiping away some of theirs too
But most of all, it’s the best, the first time they say “I love you”©

by Mac

Happy Mother’s Day to all of those who have the honor of being a mom!

This Complicated Thing Called Life

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “how.”  Start your post with the word “How.” Bonus points if you end with it too.

How did life get so complicated? I would love to go back to a time when all I had to worry about was school grades, what to wear and what to eat for breakfast. Now, here I am married, with two teenagers of my own and the responcibility’s list goes on. I have a million thoughts running through my mind constantly. Yesterday, at one point, I literally could not focus on one thing at a time, and was running around like a mad woman. Well, some would say “mad woman,” while others would just say, mom. Is it any wonder though that I am losing my mind? Really, the pressures of life get higher as does my age! Sometimes I think that I would like to fane crazy just to get a holiday in a hospital (okay, maybe that’s taking it a bit too far, but I know some of you get me)!

 Now, I need to go get ready for work, which happens to be my respite from the complications, some how.  ~Mac

My Child

Perhaps it’s because my oldest turned 16 this week or maybe because we have been dealing with many struggles this year already in my two teen’s lives. But, I have had my kids on my mind a lot this week. As many mom’s do, we worry and with that give- whether it’s time, emotions, energy or sleep! We are often pulled in so many directions, with little of anything left for ourselves. So, here’s to my children and all those mom’s out there that are doing what we do, thinking of our kids. Love, Mac 

To My Children

My child please see yourself the way I do

Perfect and pure and true

My child please feel compassion for others

With friends, walk as brothers

My child please taste of the fruit of your labor

Work hard and life savor

My child please take time to breathe it all in

Drown out the world’s din

My child please hear each of the words I say

I love you in every way©

by Mac

 

Changing Rolls

When life was hard you were there for me
This was your job and you knew how
As I have grown the rolls switched
Often I feel like the parent now

When did things change for us this way?
When did my advice start to matter?
How did I surpass the job of child?
How did you forget my needs?

My heart yearns for carefree moments
When life was much simpler for me
Only concerns were of my future
Naive to all the responsibilities

I’m not sure anything really readies you
The many changing rolls in adulthood
Looking into my own children’s eyes
Wondering how will they prepare

Will I become only an image of former self?
How will I impact the lives of my children?
Will the memories start to fade for me?
This life can just be so complicated©

 

Miming Mom

“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” ~Unknown

Daily Prompt: Copycat

I recall when my son was about three years old, we had traveled to visit a friend. When we arrived he proceeded to walk around her house saying, “Damn, damn, damn!” over and over. I was appalled as even this slightly offensive word was not one that we used! I couldn’t imagine where it came from. Later, I found that it was used one time in a favorite movie of his (kid friendly mind you). Of course, this is the word he chose to pick up on. Needless to say, this movie quickly found its way out of his life.

Fast forward 13 years and this story is hilarious to me! At the time I thought that I’d surely done a number on my child, letting him be introduced to such “language”- Haha! Oh, but there are far worse things that a kid can pick up, as parents learn in time. From bad habits, to personality flaws and so on, we are an open book that our children are reading daily. I do not agree that children should, “do as I say, not as I do” because it’s not realistic. Children will copy the behaviors that they see.

“One of the most important things we adults can do for young children is to model the kind of person we would like them to be.” ~Carol B. Hillman

Modeling “good” behavior for kids is often easier said than done. In the toddler years I struggled, as I’m sure all parents can attest to, with yelling, fit throwing and just straight out melt downs, often all within an hour! Oh, and sometimes my kids would do these things too. 😉

So, in my nearly 16 years as a mom, here are some things I’ve learned to help mold my kids, without too much scarring, some of which I wish I’d learned much earlier on. I hope you find them useful or at least helpful.

1. Learn to say sorry. We are still human and it is good for our children to know this. We will make mistakes, we do not know everything and we will mess up. It is a great lesson in teaching humility and forgiveness when we teach our kids how to say, “sorry” by saying it to them when we are wrong.
2. Honesty is the best policy. This one may seem like a “no-brainer” but let me explain. There are times when parents keep feelings or just difficulties in general from their kids. Now, while I don’t think at certain ages children can comprehend everything, I do believe that they need to learn the reality of life. Sometimes there are struggles, people can be cruel and it’s not all puppy dogs and rainbows all the time. Modeling appropriate behavior in these times are perfect opportunities to teach them about emotions, personality or belief differences and how we should treat others.
3. Think for yourself. As parents we sometimes fear when our children seem to suddenly have minds of their own. Some may even see it as “acting out.” And while I don’t believe that rebellion or disobedience is positive and should be nipped in the bud, I do think that we can look to steer this behavior in the right direction. As our kids grow we want them to learn to think for themselves, in a respectful manner. This is a strength that can be harnessed into strong leadership personalities. We do tend to desire our children to be mirror images of us. However, in reality, we should hope that we do our jobs so well they will learn to think for themselves. By showing them how to lead and then learning to trust them as they become mini-adults, this can be a great gift to our children and their future.

“I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps…I want them to take the path next to me and go further than I could’ve ever dreamt possible.” ~Unknown

 

I Didn’t Know

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” ~Franklin P Jones

 

I didn’t know there would be a test! I didn’t realize that all the things I learned from my pre-parenthood days would be worthless. There really are no books that truly prepare you for the life of raising little ragamuffins that grow into mini adults. You can do all you want to prepare, but when the tests come (and they do), you really have none of the answers. And, there is no cheating, no looking to someone else for the right choices! Ultimately, you are either going to pass or fail on your own accord, because everyone’s test in parenthood is different. Not only that, but you don’t know your grade until it is too late to take the test again. Your kids will either be adults that are able to make their way in society or not. There are no “do-overs” in child rearing. Yes, maybe a little mistake here or there will be passed over. But the big ones, those are the make or break moments! So, why do we choose this thing called parenthood?

The pressures are fierce and the outcomes unknown. But, I wouldn’t give it up for the world. The love a parent has for a child, that bond, is like nothing else. We would go through hell (and often do) for this little person we’ve created. They will frustrate us and push us to the edge, but we will still love them unconditionally. I am often baffled and astounded by this journey, yet unlike any other venture in life, it is one that cannot be forsaken. There are days when I may feel like giving up, but I must go on. It is out of pure love and selflessness that parenthood can continue to thrive. Lack of sleep, alone time and energy- yet through it all we continue on. Welcome to parenthood! ©MM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Prompt: Test

Everyone’s An Expert

“Why People Without Children Shouldn’t Give Parenting Advice” –By Chad Milner

“There’s just something about people without children giving me parenting advice that drive me up the wall.  When someone who hasn’t procreated responds to “You should (insert counsel here),” it takes almost every fiber of my being to respond with a phrase that rhymes with “What the truck cup.” I am aware that, for the most part, people mean well and aren’t passing judgment.  However, I feel as if this is one of the very few arenas in which everyone feels as if they are experts and they have no experience.  There is no manual on how to raise a child, everyone comes from a parent, and were raised by someone.  How one was raised and how one actually raises their children are very different…”

I love this article and recommend reading the rest. He expresses many of my same sentiments. When my kids were little we had a single friend that was constantly giving counsel to all the parents in church. I swear, you would have thought he was an expert. Some of the most obnoxious and condescending conversations I ever had were with this guy. Everyone’s an expert until they have a child!

I now just find it humorous when people think they know everything about parenting! They have read all the books you know. They have prepared…so they believe. But, nothing really can prepare you for being a parent. No two kids are alike (as I have learned from my two). Even parents who have multiple kids will always be surprised by something new their youngest figures out how to accomplish or injure. 

So, I’m going to give you a bit of advice…free of charge. Don’t give your opinion, advice or counsel to a mom, EVER (unless it’s been asked for). She really doesn’t want it! In fact, she doesn’t care how “so-and-so” did this or how your little Johnny did that. She doesn’t want to know your thoughts about breast feeding, what age you believe is best for potty training, how kids should only eat organic and that you don’t believe they should watch television. In fact, unless you are offering to come and babysit for free so she can have a few moments peace- she may not want to hear from you at all. I say this all very tongue and cheek, but you get my point. While the saying goes, “It takes a village” most parents have seen the village and don’t want [it] raising their kids!

See More Posts:  Profound Rantings (Of A Sleep Deprived Mom), Living In the Lap of…Mom

via Daily Prompt: Expert