“Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, ‘No thank you’ to desert that night. And for what?!” ― Erma Bombeck
My life has been an endless struggle with my weight. When I was younger I always was one of the bigger gals in class, or so I thought. I think it really had a lot to do with perception. I look back at old pictures and certainly I was never petite, I have big bone structure and I’m tall. But, I think that food has always been a problem, or perhaps thee obsession with it. The cravings are real!
I come from a family that has always dealt with their weight. Generationally, my grandparents and extended family, on both sides, right down to my parents and sibling- all struggle with weight. So, growing up, I was not really taught to be active and our eating was not always healthy. Of course as a child of the 80’s & 90’s, it was the years of boxed, conveniently packaged and preservative filled everything!
Although, thankfully, I did not end up with an eating disorder, I do think it was the beginning of some body dysmorphia. I believe what counteracted this weight issue, I have always been very confident, so I’d just throw back my head and make the best of life. But, again, I look back at pictures and think, “Wow I was NOT heavy!” So where did this obsession with thinking I was fat come from?
Our culture’s perception of what beauty, healthy and perfect look like, play a big role in society. But I also think that I grew up around a LOT of negative self-talk about body image, also an obsession with weight loss and dieting. Still, to this day, my family gets very verbal about our bodies. Although we all live in separate parts of the country, one of the first things we talk about on the phone is how our newest weight loss is going (or not going). And, as much as I’d like to say I think this will change, I don’t think that it will. However, I am working on the next generation!
I am trying very hard to break the cycle with my kids. Although my husband and I both struggle with weight (and now I am over weight) we attempt to not put this onto our kids. I do not make comments about their bodies and endorse positivity. But, the biggest goal has been to promote healthy eating, life style and being active. Also, working on NOT being negative or putting myself down…this one is hard at times!
“It is easier to change a man’s religion than to change his diet.”― Margaret Mead
I have realized I am a food addict. And unlike other addictions, unfortunately I need food to survive. I have yo-yoed through my 20’s and over half of my 30’s with my weight. I am currently not at my highest weight, but still not where I need to be.
A year ago we moved South, mainly because we needed the warmer claimant, for health reasons. We needed our family to be able to be active year around. It really has helped, in four months I had lost 30 pounds. Just good old walking, weights and “clean” eating. I refuse to diet or get on the fad band-wagon! But…yes there is a but, unfortunately. I have begun to fall off the wagon yet again! I crave sugar like a drug addict wants crack! I have done sugar detoxes before, man they are brutal! I know it’s what I need… But, I really want that cinnamon roll, ice cream, cake and oh the list goes on- not to mention pizza! And, even though I feel better when I’m living healthy, my stinking mind craves this unhealthy diet.
I do not write this to get sympathy. I know it is my own fault I am where I am and I truly don’t blame anyone but myself. I write this for myself, to put it in black and white, to see that the issue is present. Maybe I will also help another person who struggles, to know, you are not alone in this! I want to break this cycle, I want to succeed and live a long life! But, I also don’t want to get caught up in negativity of self and society’s idea of what my body should be.
“I finally figured out the big, elusive secret to weight loss. Don’t eat! Who knew?”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway